yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
