So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
