Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
