Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize