I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
