What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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