I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
