coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The feeling are messing with the penis
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
