Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
