i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
