Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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