we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize