i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
