I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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