Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
