All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
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