Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
