Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
