Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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