It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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