You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
