so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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