babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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