I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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