so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
