FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I love you. Go after that dick
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
