I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
