im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
