"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
