Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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