Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
