why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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