You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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