sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Small penises have feelings too.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
