Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
