me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
