just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
