mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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