bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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