she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
