I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
