carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
we're so committed to being not committed
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
