Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
