"it" just moved
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This is my gift to your gina
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
