smell my finger.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We are two peas in an std pod
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize