i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
