dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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