She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
