so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Operation Purity has been aborted
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
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