Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize