Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
