Your mouth is God's brothel.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
