If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
this boner is exhausting
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
