is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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