taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She bit a glass in half.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize