I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
