mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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