i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
