I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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