This girl is more easily done than said...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
