This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
