OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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