im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
