You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
