My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
