Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I need to sanitize my soul.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize