my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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