he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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