this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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