Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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