You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
