And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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