really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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