I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
