I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He is an equal opportunity slut.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
