I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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