You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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