I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
