I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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