I have demons in me.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
