i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
