he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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