I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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