can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
