He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
