:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I touched a dick in church today
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
