You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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