Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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