Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
