That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
