Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
