So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
