I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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