just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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