This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
