dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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